Young Writers Society

Wow. You have some really tough critics here. I really enjoyed this poem. The rhythm flowed and supported your meaning. I'm a sucker for when form and meaning meet. While the spaces in the words might have been a bit kitsch, it was certainly a daring thing to do. I don't know whether it's good or not, but I have to say I was amused by it at least, so I'll say it was good. The fourth stanza's weak, and some of the lines could be strengthened, but I still like this poem.

It doesn't mean anything, does it?

that was a really good idea i like it.
Why are the space in the middle of words?

I thought the spaces and missing letters were a really creative idea. I really liked the poem, very original.

not only are you good at art your really good with poetry as well

"our pace maker makes life so our hearts dont fail us"
Is what those 2 lines imply.

Well, this is the line that really bugs me:

"Our pa e maker makes,"

What are you trying to say?

This poem was...different but in a good way. I don't really like mushy love poems and some are just too deep and emotional to me but this one states the way you feel without going overboard.

Good, yes the spaces are there on purpose.

I mean, if its run on batteries, dont b tteries r n out?

The spaces and lack of letters make the poem hard to read and difficult to follow. And it makes it annoying as well.

This has rhythm and rhyme but it avoids being too forced or sing-songy, which is really nice and also hard to do. So nice job. Also the title is intriguing. I mean, how many poems do you see about batteries? Cool.

On my screen the words have really weird spacing. The last line looks like
"This lin is r n on ba te i s... "
Did you mean to do this, or is my computer being a moron? Is it supposed to be, like, the batteries are failing so the text is disappearing? Interesting if so. Sorry if I'm overanalyzing a computer glitch.